How I Spent My Summer Vacation

September 1st. I was at work. It was just like any other day but for whatever reason I decided to call my boyfriend to say hello, as I walked to get lunch. I was having a good day & he let me go on & on about it. Finally, I asked "How are you? How's Posh? Are you riding?" & he said he hadn't made it there, he had a small accident. A small accident. Once, when I was about twenty, my dad had a "small fender bender". Turns out, he had totaled his brand new car & was trying to protect me by not telling me the full details. My boyfriend's small accident involved a deer jumping in front of his motorcycle causing him to tip it & ending up under it. There were witnesses, someone called an ambulance. I couldn't stop crying. I had to leave work. I had to see him. It took me two hours to get from my work to the hospital. I don't even remember driving there.

His tibia was broken, a plateau fracture & he had minor road rash. His helmet was missing chunks. I couldn't look at it. I made his dad take it home. I slept by his side at the hospital for as many nights as I could. It's amazing just how uncomfortable it is to sleep in a chair when you're my age. I joked about my younger years as a punk who could sleep anywhere. Things change so quickly. We spent a week in the hospital. He had surgery to put a plate & six screws into his leg. Finally, we were sent home. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to make him better. I spent all the money I had on pillows & ice packs, snacks & whatever else I thought might make him more comfortable. Finally, I could lay down next to him. I could climb (very gently, cautiously) into his arms & when I did I cried again. I've spent so much time just crying. 

We're six weeks into recovery & it's been so intense & scary & exhausting to have a partner going through an injury like this. Not only is he unable to ride his bike, the one thing that brings him the most joy, he isn't able to walk without a walker or crutches, or go too long without icing his leg, or climb steps unassisted. There's so many things we take for granted when we have two strong, healthy legs (or an able body at all). There's so many things we take for granted when we don't think about just how fragile we really are. I lose my patience, I get annoyed, my temper is so short. I feel like I've taken on the responsibilities of two people & it's hard & I'm no good at this. I find myself having to stop & remind me, he's alive. This could have ended so much worse & I need to keep that perspective because this gorgeous, brilliant, loving man that I am head over heels for is alive. For that, I am forever grateful.