A part of my new job is running groups with the clients in the women's unit. I run a few different groups each day, most of which revolve around how to basically just live life without falling the fuck apart. I work with these women to provide them with the tools to be successful in their recovery & here I am, struggling to use my own tools. I refuse to be a hyprocrite tho. I owe it to those women to walk the walk, ya know? They are doing the work. I need to, too. So, I'm picking the path that requires action & I'm maintaining my positive mental attitude & doing my best to silence that nasty voice in my head that won't stfu about how I'm "almost forty with nothing to show" for my life. Because really, that's so dramatic & sure, I don't have a lot but what I have I worked really hard for & that's cool.
2016 was rough for a lot of people, to say the least. It was an incredibley traumtic year & I worry it won't get much better anytime soon. But like most people, I am doing my best to focus on the positive & continue to work hard to be the best person I can be. It's time for us to listen & take action in ways that are meaningful while also working to maintain our mental health. 2016 had some solid moments. These are them.
Somehow, I keep putting this post off. It's now May & I just don't have the energy to complete a single post about an entire year. So instead, I'm going to make a promise to myself to be more committed to writing here. Recently I did a zine reading at a local coffee shop. A friend came & brought a guy she had been hanging out with. He wrote on his Facebook what was basically a review poem about how totally uncool the zine reading was because it wasn't basically, edgy enough for him. At first I felt insulted. How dare this man dictate my art. But then I remembered there are a lot of people, mostly men who have an idea of what is art & they believe it needs to be driven by this primal desire to expel demons & express rage or whatever. I'm not there anymore. I'm not consumed by those feelings of aggression. I'm perfectly happy writing about how beautifully intense the world is & how good I feel when I'm present & experiencing everything life has to offer. So, I will try my best to document that for my own sake.